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Aug 18, 20214 min read

Everyone says, ‘it gets better’, does it?

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Guest Blog Post from Millie Grant

Everyone says, ‘it gets better’, does it?


As a sexual assault survivor, I have heard all the toxic positivity under the sun. People love to say; this will make you stronger, it gets better, look on the bright side. I think this mostly comes from a place of them feeling uncomfortable, confronted by a tricky subject and unsure of what else to say. But does it actually get better? Short answer, yes it can and will get better. But here is my long and truthful answer.


Let’s start with does it make you stronger? I’ll be honest, it can, but not before beating you into the ground. Did I feel stronger after being assaulted by two people? Not at all. Did I feel stronger when I was making attempts to take my life? Not at all. Have you ever heard the saying; ‘what doesn’t kill you, gives you trauma’? Trauma made me feel weakened, disheartened, and terrified of the world. Trauma places you on a cruel, isolating, and horrifying path – one I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. What I think people mean by saying this is after all this you will be stronger. It is not the experience itself which makes you stronger, it is overcoming the trauma which does.Once you overcome trauma (and you will) you will be the stronger version of yourself you never knew existed. This person you created out of necessity can be a strong, resilient, brave, and incredible person. Something I eventually learned is you do not have to feel weak, small, and scared forever. It can be incredibly isolating to face a traumatic experience because it completely changes you. It feels like nobody understands what you have experienced and who the ‘new’ you is. It can push you into a cage and throw away the key, it can control your life until you pick yourself up and decide to change.


Professional help will build you back up and make you stronger. The power of a great therapist should never be underestimated. The strategies, skills and understanding they give you will make you stronger. Experiencing trauma rewires your brain completely, it gives you illogical signals, irrational responses, and feelings of impeding catastrophe. However, your brain is not permanently stuck in this state. Like taking antibiotics to help heal an infection, therapy will help heal that nasty mark on your brain. Am I stronger than I was before all this happened? Maybe not yet, but I know I am much stronger than I have been. I know how strong I am while still having severe PTSD, imagine how much stronger I will be when my PTSD has taken the back seat. I like to visualise processing trauma in this way; when I was at my worst, my PTSD/trauma was driving me along and she is an awful driver! Getting help put me back in the driver’s seat, my trauma now sits beside me in the passenger seat. With time and a lot more work, it will move to the backseat and then eventually to the boot. So yes, I am getting stronger.


Does it get better? Yes. You will not always feel pushed into a dark corner. The tricky thing is things don’t get better without work. It’s unfair, I know. You experience this horrible thing, at the fault of someone else, then you are forced to work your butt off to return to ‘normalcy’. But that is the unfair truth. Once you begin working on your mental health and processing your trauma, things will get better. It may feel like you are alone, but you are never alone. There are many people who care for you and want things to get better. With trauma, time won’t heal how you feel. You need to actively be working every day towards improving your mental health. Once I realised I could either endure the pain of staying where I was forever, or the pain of growing, my mindset changed completely. It is painful to grow through your trauma, but in the long term, it is much less painful than hiding from your feelings and the world forever. It might not feel like it yet, but things will get better.


Is there a ‘bright side’ everyone constantly talks about? Like before, there is no bright side to what happened to you. But the way you grow and adapt from this experience can be the bright side. I used to think this was the stupidest thing to say to someone, and it is when said at the wrong time. But now I know, in hindsight, I have created my own bright side. So, what is my bright side? For me it is advocating for a change (I hope I’ve been doing this well). A change in how we perceive victims of sexual abuse, how we perceive mental illnesses, and more recently how our country regulates certain pharmaceutical drugs. I am not ashamed of my story anymore; I was for far too long. My reaction to someone’s harmful actions does not represent my entire character. I am not weak for breaking under these circumstances, I am not less of a friend, girlfriend, sister, or daughter for this experience, I am not broken or a lost cause. I was weakened and I was changed, but I am much stronger than I am weak. My bright side is taking my experience and demanding a change for the better. Nobody should be ashamed to be a survivor, they should be proud to still be here. Nobody should be ashamed to have mental ill-health, for your brain is just another organ. Nobody should have access to a lethal dose of pharmaceutical drugs for less than $9, our government regulates other ‘dangerous’ substances why shouldn’t this be treated the same. A lot of people disagree because these drugs are only dangerous when misused. But alcohol, cigarettes and other age restricted items are also dangerous when misused and therefore the government has placed age restrictions. My bright side is realising I wanted the way I was treated/felt to be changed and trying to help provide this change for others.


Everyone says, ‘it gets better’, it does.


@candidmillie (Millie's journey day by day)

@milliemaureen (Millie's personal account)







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