**TRIGGER WARNING//Sexual abuse and other topics//TRIGGER WARNING**
Having the autonomy to control your own body and sleep with who you want does not devalue the importance of consent in contemporary culture. Guilt tripping and gaslighting somebody into giving you a bj until they finally say yes is actually sexual coercion. Putting your hand into their pants whilst you are dancing because you thought they might enjoy it is sexual assault. Sleeping with someone who is too drunk to say no is rape.
Yet there seems to be confusion around this due to the current hookup culture and lack of education on what consent actually entails. Nobody “owes” you sex because you helped them out. Offering a drunk person a ride home and then forcing them to engage in sexual conduct because you deserve it for looking out for them is not on. Consent is freely given when a person can understand what is going on around them. Consent is not an ongoing concept that allows you to not ask for permission in the future simply because it has happened before. Sexual coercion and threatening somebody into doing something they do not want to do is not consensual. Thinking that you are owed a sexual favour in return for helping someone out further perpetuates misognystic thought in hookup culture. Drinking alcohol does not remove the responsibility of rape if the person cannot consent due to intoxication. In New Zealand, you can be imprisoned for up to 20 years as a result of non consensual sex (Crimes Act 1961, s28). One of the most common misconceptions is that if somebody had a physical response e.g. an erection or orgasm, then it can't have been rape or assault. This is false and does not mean it was consensual or that the person "liked it". This is not a defence and automatic body responses do not diminish the illegality of it.
The dominant effects of rape culture are seen through the causal use of the word in day to day conversation, the slut shaming of women based on clothing choices and their habits, the disbelief in victims if they choose to come forward. Rape culture effects men, women, transgender and non binary people in different ways. But rape culture also hurts men as it upholds the false belief that men cannot be victims of sexual assault. We are fed the narrative of rape being something that is perpetuated by strangers when the harsh reality is that 92% of rape survivors knew the perpetrator (Kingi, V., & Jordan, J. (2009). Responding to Sexual Violence: Pathways to Recovery. Wellington: Ministry of Women's Affairs.). A worse statistic than that is that only around 9% of cases are reported to the police (Ministry of Women’s Affairs 2009). Better education in schools, on campus and the wider community is needed. As well as standing up to the prevalent "rape culture" and ensuring consent was freely given. Direct communication and clear intent is non negotiable. Any answer that is not yes is a no. Over-sexualisation of all genders whether intentional or not needs to stop to dismantle the issue of consent ambiguity.
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